Yet Nikki still failed to comprehend Pain. Pain, that sinister entity with no true concept of its own meaning, so powerful that it may break even the strongest man down into a crying infant. The deleterious one who lingers in those who have experienced too much heartache to banish him completely. Who could eradicate Pain, the eternal embodiment of suffering? He circles his target then crouches, ready at any moment to pounce upon his prey. Clings to those weaker than he, gazing intently, waiting for the precise second at which he will strike. Still patiently observing with narrowed eyes and clenched jaw. She anticipated the moment when she would hear his creaking footsteps on her stairs. She desperately needed reassurance and guidance too. Infelicitous Robert! This burden should not be his alone. She attempted to ease his anguish, but he dismissed her. It is difficult to appease those whose ache exists in the heart. His state might improve if only she could prove to him that he had not been abandoned. He would recover some day. That was what he believed. But Alejandro had told her otherwise, so she was aware. Regardless, if she wasn't, the following afternoon she would have discovered so, considering his rehabilitation specialist was bound to tell her anyways. Friends who had never before ventured to support her offered their condolences. Realization, that cold embrace, had finally taken hold.
I tried to personify pain using as much imagery as possible. I wanted to be able to give the reader a clear picture of this noun, without need for guesswork. I unthinkingly used a similar situation to that is Hurston's writing, so the writings are similar in that way. I used phrasing and sentence structure similar to Hurston's, and modeled the metaphors I used after those found in the text.
It's funny, i have to admit. But it seems like you kinda used Hurston's story in the later half of the passage a little too much. I'd like to see what you could come up with if you had a different abstract noun.
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